I have learned that love is unconditional. I have read and heard this from many different places and people, each giving their own unique reason why they think love is unconditional. I have also learned that love is painful, especially because it is shown to things or humans who are all imperfect.
I am one of those imperfect people. Ever since I understood the true meaning of the famous “nemo dat” rule which means “You cannot give what you do not have,” I have chosen to practice first with myself all the things I want to be able to give; one of those things is showing love to humans who are imperfect, and that includes me.
I am learning to love myself despite the pain, headaches, and heartaches I have caused myself. Many times, I have tried too hard to be numb to pain. Over a thousand times, I have blamed myself for the pain I felt. In the midst of the pain, I did not give me the chance to explain and understand myself. I was hard on myself. I tried even harder to be shock- and pain-absorbing, criticized myself, and did not appreciate myself enough, especially for my little wins. I used to choose to celebrate only when things felt or looked satisfying to others, not necessarily to me. I remember the days of lingering sadness, I was so hard on myself that I ignored the need for me to push it out. Back then, I didn’t realize how stunningly beautiful I was fit for self-love.
Oftentimes, we know how to console and say nice things to other people when they have things going on in their lives. Usually, it is much easier for us to be even more kind, gentle, caring, positive, supportive, and understanding to other people than we have ever been to ourselves. We tend to show more love to others than ourselves. We tend to forget ourselves. I believe it is critical for us to understand how important it is to love and respect ourselves as we do others. It is time for me to make myself feel important and worthy.
Right now, I am choosing to do the opposite of what I used to do. I am choosing to be a friend to myself. Loving me as a sister should. I now know that I deserve so much more love than I used to give myself. I feel so blessed to have realized this. I am proud of myself. I am so proud that for months I wouldn’t go a day without saying “I love you” to the girl in the mirror. I love myself for the broken but meaningful pieces that I have become. I am loving myself with and for the scars, for the mistakes, and for the chances I am willing to give myself now. This time, it will be for me. I am grateful for the thousand times I have lost my way and ended up in places I never expected to be, because knowing this will never lead me to these places again. I adore myself for all of these reasons and more. To the girl in the mirror, I want to be able to add, “I am so proud of you.” to my list of daily affirmations because despite all these things I still want to be me. There is really no better me than what I have here and now. I now know that I have to be proud of myself for being able to be my own type of woman. After going through the process of healing from traumas, practicing self-acceptance, and building self-worth I have grown to become my own woman with my own taste. I know it is time for me to give myself enough love. This is the best gift I can give myself: the ability to love myself despite my flaws.
If you are currently healing from vulnerabilities and are still trying to find yourself, I strongly recommend that you listen to the song “Loving Me” by Janine. It is one of those soul-searching songs you would want to listen to at this point.
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Making meaning out of broken pieces